Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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