yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
