Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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