dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
