So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
