look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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