I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
