I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
