Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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