just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
