he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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