It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
