You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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