shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
