I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
