dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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