he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
