she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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