Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
