he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
