mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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