I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
