I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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