its not stalking. its research.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
