Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
