I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
