I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
