Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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