After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
