Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
