you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
