i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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