i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
