For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize