some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
