Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
