I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
