I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize