Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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