you guys were way drunker than both of me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You can't special order awesome
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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