Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
