The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
