Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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