Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
