Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
