so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
