I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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