Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
