we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
