You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
