She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
