I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize