Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
