i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
