he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize