If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
