why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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