she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
