She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i believe in u and ur pee
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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