no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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