Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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