He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You made out with two different species that night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
