I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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