i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
NoShamevember. You game?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
