covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
