So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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