This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
