God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
