Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
