Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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