The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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