In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
