I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
