It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
