Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
drinking out of a sandbucket again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
