Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
