I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
