does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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