You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
