I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize