I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
