I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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