I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
