My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
