Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
