"it" just moved
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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