ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize