so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
