don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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