No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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