I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
