I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
