1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
