Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
