Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
