I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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