i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize