thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
