I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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