If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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