pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I love you.
Bad choice
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
