Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize