So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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