He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
