mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
