Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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