Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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