i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
