I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
