Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
