Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
