Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
