Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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