I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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