I have demons in me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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