What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
