12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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