The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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