I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
where are my eyebrows?
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