I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
