i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
People in love make me want to vomit
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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