Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
