I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He felt like a one man threesome
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
