So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
