matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So vagazzling was a success
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
